I don't know about anyone else, but I have a hard time making decisions.  I wouldn't go as far as saying I can't decide what to wear or what I am going to have for breakfast, but needless to say I worry if the choices I make are the correct choices, especially when it comes to decisions that can have more than one good outcome.  For example, I am currently finishing the last year of pharmacy school.  This means I will be graduating in May.  No more course work, expensive tuition or countless hours of studying and pouring over notes.  While I have been waiting for this moment since I began roughly three years ago, I will have a lot of decision making come graduation time.  I have the potential to possibly get hired on as a pharmacist at the company I currently intern for.  I could  find a job for another company in my current area.  I could apply for a year long residency, most likely out of state, that may take my future career away from where I have grown up.  For someone that is terrified of making the wrong choice, I have a lot to figure out in the next few months as school winds down.

Now I know personal goals, interest, and desire play a role in decision making, however often in life I have found that there is not just one path that I would like to walk down.  Unfortunately I can't walk up and down every possible path and if that were somehow possible, I would never get anywhere.  So in considering all the factors that play into making such a choice, my biggest fear is WHAT IF I MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE?

This brings me to what I would like to write about today.  I would like to share a few things that have stood out to me in my life about making important decisions and how we can gain confidence in the Lord to make decisions that require a lot of thought, effort, and uncertainty.

The Lord has made it clear in the New Testament that we should preach the gospel to others.  He gave this charge to his 12 apostles and much of the New Testament describes their experiences in telling others about the Savior and His gospel.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-Day Saints men and women have the opportunity to serve as full time missionaries.  Missionaries are sent all over the world offering service, preaching the gospel from the scriptures and helping individuals make changes in their lives that the Savior promises will bring peace and happiness.  We meet with our local ecclesiastical leaders who help us to prepare for such service.  At the time of my experience men were eligible to serve missions at the age of 19 while women could serve at the age of 21.

Well at the age of 19 I was not fully prepared to serve a mission and even though I felt that a mission was something the Lord wanted of me, I did not believe that I could prepare myself and be ready to serve the Lord.  Well 19 came and went as well as 20 and 21.  The mission was a sensitive thing because people would always ask me about it and I felt like a failure.  Here I would have friends and people from school who had gone and come back while I was still here, the boy that did not serve.
While the thought was always in my mind about serving a mission, I would try and force myself to think about other things.  Here I was 22, surely much too old to serve.  I should focus on finishing school and figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  The Lord would understand, I would serve Him in other capacities.

Now I have had others tell me about serving and deep down I knew they were right.  They did it out of love and they wanted the best for me, but I continued to tell myself that if I could just get past this time period people would let it go, forget about me and I could go on my way.  Now I have this uncle who I have admired since I was a little boy.  He is a great man who I very much respect and look up to.  He had talked to me about the mission quite a few times, but I just could not make the decision to do what it took to serve a mission.

Let me just say that during this entire process, especially looking back, I know the Lord was looking out for me.  He knew my stubbornness, and my feelings of inadequacy, and fear but He also knew I knew what was right and He knew I knew I needed to serve Him.  As I looked back on this experience and other experiences I often can relate to a man named Amulek.  Amulek was a man in the Book of Mormon who for the longest time put off what the Lord wanted from him.  He was a successful man who later became a powerful missionary for the Savior.  In Alma 10: 4-6 he describes in his own words:

4 And behold, I am also a man of no small reputation among all those who know me: yea, and behold, I have many kindreds and friends, and I have also acquired much riches by the hand of my industry.

5 Nevertheless, after all this, I never have known much of the ways of the Lord, and mysteries and marvelous power. I said I never had known much of these things; but behold, I mistake, for I have seen much of his mysteries and his marvelous power; yea, even in the preservation of the lives of this people.

6 Nevertheless, I did harden my heart, for I was called many times and I would not hear; therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know; therefore I went on rebelling against God, in the wickedness of my heart, even until the fourth day of this seventh month, which is in the tenth year of the reign of the judges.

7 As I was journeying to see a very near kindred, behold an angel of the Lord appeared unto me and said: Amulek, return to thine own house, for thou shalt feed a prophet of the Lord; yea, a holy man, who is a chosen man of God; for he has fasted many days because of the sins of this people, and he is an hungered, and thou shalt receive him into thy house and feed him, and he shall bless thee and thy house; and the blessing of the Lord shall rest upon thee and thy house.

What has always stood out to me was the phrase "Nevertheless, I did harden my heart, for I was called many times and I would not hear, therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know".  Amulek from his description was doing fine.  He was a successful business man respected in the community.  He admits in this passage though that he had had experiences where the Lord spoke to him, but he would not hear.  I in my prayers would ask the Lord to give me an amazing experience to really know that He wanted to me to serve a mission.  My answers would come time and time again from others who would share their testimony of missionary service.  Now that was what I didn't want to hear.  I simply was doing lip service for the Lord.  What I really wanted was "Blake I know how you must feel and being 22 you would like Me to tell you that you should move on with your life, so you know what... I think you are right, go ahead with school and work and all will be well".  I wanted so badly for the Lord to agree with what I wanted that I would rationalize away any experiences that I had had in regards to what He wanted from me.  

To give a little more background, back before school and the business of life I used to be involved in canyoneering.  With canyoneering you would go through these slot canyons that had places where you would need to climb and boulder.  Often to get out of the canyon you would need to use a rope to descend down a steep cliff in order to move through the canyon.  Well this same uncle that I had mentioned earlier was heavily involved with canyoneering.  I had gone with him on several trips and had quite a few memories.  Well one trip down in Moab I had the chance to walk along a ridge ahead of several others in our group and had the chance to talk with him one on one.

Well we had the chance to talk about a variety of topics, but as you can guess my uncle brought up the mission.  I don't remember exactly the conversation we had, but I remember clearly at one point my uncle stopping, turning around to look at me and say "You know you need to go on a mission."  It was as if that moment I finally could surrender myself to what I knew to be true.  All the barriers of rationalization, doubt, and ignorance simply went away.  At that moment I looked back and simply said to my uncle"I know."  It was as if a moment of clarity and intelligence came into my mind.  I felt a flood of relief and peace and the lightening of a heavy burden.  This clarity was the Lord's way of communicating to me in a manner that was personalized to my overly rational, analytical mind.

Now I can't say that everything was perfect from then on out, but I knew I needed to move forward and I knew what direction the Lord wanted me to go.  Eventually I was able to serve a mission for the Lord and I am so grateful for that opportunity.  Knowing what I know now, I would have missed out on some choice experiences and I would have missed out on many faith promoting opportunities.  I know the Lord would still love me had I chosen a different path.  I most likely would have finished school and gone from there.  I'm not saying the Lord would have punished me, but for reasons that still are not all the way clear, the mission, was where I needed to be, when I needed to be.

What I have learned from this experience is that in the end I have to make my own choices when it comes to the many paths in life.  I have the opportunity to seek counsel and guidance in making these decisions.  The Lord ultimately knows best and wants to bless me and give me opportunities to grow and become like Him.  There will be times where some decisions are not life changing.  Some decisions will present multiple options that are good and the Lord will expect me to do my homework and seek out what I believe to be best.  There will be other times where the Lord will direct me down a specific path and will provide the guidance I need to find out what that decision should be.  He will guide me in a way that is clear to me for the Holy Spirit will speak to each of us in a way that will be clear.  A scripture that I love found in Doctrine and Covenants Section 11:12-14 states:

12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.

13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;

14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.  

I like the rest of us do not need to fear what the future holds. I believe the future will hold many great choices and opportunities. I also know that the Lord has a plan for each of us. We each have the opportunity to serve Him and perform the work that He wants accomplished. I know that as we strive to follow the guidance of the Lord, that He will make sure we know the path we are to travel. That gives me a lot of comfort. It helps me to realize that the Lord loves me and each one of us. He will provide a way, His plans will not be frustrated. I testify that Jesus Christ lives and that He is the Savior. He literally is the Son of God and has overcome death and hell so that we will live after death and be worthy and confident to stand in the presence of God. I love Him and am grateful for the mercies He has shown in my life. I know that He will come again and that we have the opportunity to prepare for His coming. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.