I don't know about anyone else, but I have a hard time making decisions.  I wouldn't go as far as saying I can't decide what to wear or what I am going to have for breakfast, but needless to say I worry if the choices I make are the correct choices, especially when it comes to decisions that can have more than one good outcome.  For example, I am currently finishing the last year of pharmacy school.  This means I will be graduating in May.  No more course work, expensive tuition or countless hours of studying and pouring over notes.  While I have been waiting for this moment since I began roughly three years ago, I will have a lot of decision making come graduation time.  I have the potential to possibly get hired on as a pharmacist at the company I currently intern for.  I could  find a job for another company in my current area.  I could apply for a year long residency, most likely out of state, that may take my future career away from where I have grown up.  For someone that is terrified of making the wrong choice, I have a lot to figure out in the next few months as school winds down.

Now I know personal goals, interest, and desire play a role in decision making, however often in life I have found that there is not just one path that I would like to walk down.  Unfortunately I can't walk up and down every possible path and if that were somehow possible, I would never get anywhere.  So in considering all the factors that play into making such a choice, my biggest fear is WHAT IF I MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE?

This brings me to what I would like to write about today.  I would like to share a few things that have stood out to me in my life about making important decisions and how we can gain confidence in the Lord to make decisions that require a lot of thought, effort, and uncertainty.

The Lord has made it clear in the New Testament that we should preach the gospel to others.  He gave this charge to his 12 apostles and much of the New Testament describes their experiences in telling others about the Savior and His gospel.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-Day Saints men and women have the opportunity to serve as full time missionaries.  Missionaries are sent all over the world offering service, preaching the gospel from the scriptures and helping individuals make changes in their lives that the Savior promises will bring peace and happiness.  We meet with our local ecclesiastical leaders who help us to prepare for such service.  At the time of my experience men were eligible to serve missions at the age of 19 while women could serve at the age of 21.

Well at the age of 19 I was not fully prepared to serve a mission and even though I felt that a mission was something the Lord wanted of me, I did not believe that I could prepare myself and be ready to serve the Lord.  Well 19 came and went as well as 20 and 21.  The mission was a sensitive thing because people would always ask me about it and I felt like a failure.  Here I would have friends and people from school who had gone and come back while I was still here, the boy that did not serve.
While the thought was always in my mind about serving a mission, I would try and force myself to think about other things.  Here I was 22, surely much too old to serve.  I should focus on finishing school and figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  The Lord would understand, I would serve Him in other capacities.

Now I have had others tell me about serving and deep down I knew they were right.  They did it out of love and they wanted the best for me, but I continued to tell myself that if I could just get past this time period people would let it go, forget about me and I could go on my way.  Now I have this uncle who I have admired since I was a little boy.  He is a great man who I very much respect and look up to.  He had talked to me about the mission quite a few times, but I just could not make the decision to do what it took to serve a mission.

Let me just say that during this entire process, especially looking back, I know the Lord was looking out for me.  He knew my stubbornness, and my feelings of inadequacy, and fear but He also knew I knew what was right and He knew I knew I needed to serve Him.  As I looked back on this experience and other experiences I often can relate to a man named Amulek.  Amulek was a man in the Book of Mormon who for the longest time put off what the Lord wanted from him.  He was a successful man who later became a powerful missionary for the Savior.  In Alma 10: 4-6 he describes in his own words:

4 And behold, I am also a man of no small reputation among all those who know me: yea, and behold, I have many kindreds and friends, and I have also acquired much riches by the hand of my industry.

5 Nevertheless, after all this, I never have known much of the ways of the Lord, and mysteries and marvelous power. I said I never had known much of these things; but behold, I mistake, for I have seen much of his mysteries and his marvelous power; yea, even in the preservation of the lives of this people.

6 Nevertheless, I did harden my heart, for I was called many times and I would not hear; therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know; therefore I went on rebelling against God, in the wickedness of my heart, even until the fourth day of this seventh month, which is in the tenth year of the reign of the judges.

7 As I was journeying to see a very near kindred, behold an angel of the Lord appeared unto me and said: Amulek, return to thine own house, for thou shalt feed a prophet of the Lord; yea, a holy man, who is a chosen man of God; for he has fasted many days because of the sins of this people, and he is an hungered, and thou shalt receive him into thy house and feed him, and he shall bless thee and thy house; and the blessing of the Lord shall rest upon thee and thy house.

What has always stood out to me was the phrase "Nevertheless, I did harden my heart, for I was called many times and I would not hear, therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know".  Amulek from his description was doing fine.  He was a successful business man respected in the community.  He admits in this passage though that he had had experiences where the Lord spoke to him, but he would not hear.  I in my prayers would ask the Lord to give me an amazing experience to really know that He wanted to me to serve a mission.  My answers would come time and time again from others who would share their testimony of missionary service.  Now that was what I didn't want to hear.  I simply was doing lip service for the Lord.  What I really wanted was "Blake I know how you must feel and being 22 you would like Me to tell you that you should move on with your life, so you know what... I think you are right, go ahead with school and work and all will be well".  I wanted so badly for the Lord to agree with what I wanted that I would rationalize away any experiences that I had had in regards to what He wanted from me.  

To give a little more background, back before school and the business of life I used to be involved in canyoneering.  With canyoneering you would go through these slot canyons that had places where you would need to climb and boulder.  Often to get out of the canyon you would need to use a rope to descend down a steep cliff in order to move through the canyon.  Well this same uncle that I had mentioned earlier was heavily involved with canyoneering.  I had gone with him on several trips and had quite a few memories.  Well one trip down in Moab I had the chance to walk along a ridge ahead of several others in our group and had the chance to talk with him one on one.

Well we had the chance to talk about a variety of topics, but as you can guess my uncle brought up the mission.  I don't remember exactly the conversation we had, but I remember clearly at one point my uncle stopping, turning around to look at me and say "You know you need to go on a mission."  It was as if that moment I finally could surrender myself to what I knew to be true.  All the barriers of rationalization, doubt, and ignorance simply went away.  At that moment I looked back and simply said to my uncle"I know."  It was as if a moment of clarity and intelligence came into my mind.  I felt a flood of relief and peace and the lightening of a heavy burden.  This clarity was the Lord's way of communicating to me in a manner that was personalized to my overly rational, analytical mind.

Now I can't say that everything was perfect from then on out, but I knew I needed to move forward and I knew what direction the Lord wanted me to go.  Eventually I was able to serve a mission for the Lord and I am so grateful for that opportunity.  Knowing what I know now, I would have missed out on some choice experiences and I would have missed out on many faith promoting opportunities.  I know the Lord would still love me had I chosen a different path.  I most likely would have finished school and gone from there.  I'm not saying the Lord would have punished me, but for reasons that still are not all the way clear, the mission, was where I needed to be, when I needed to be.

What I have learned from this experience is that in the end I have to make my own choices when it comes to the many paths in life.  I have the opportunity to seek counsel and guidance in making these decisions.  The Lord ultimately knows best and wants to bless me and give me opportunities to grow and become like Him.  There will be times where some decisions are not life changing.  Some decisions will present multiple options that are good and the Lord will expect me to do my homework and seek out what I believe to be best.  There will be other times where the Lord will direct me down a specific path and will provide the guidance I need to find out what that decision should be.  He will guide me in a way that is clear to me for the Holy Spirit will speak to each of us in a way that will be clear.  A scripture that I love found in Doctrine and Covenants Section 11:12-14 states:

12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.

13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;

14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.  

I like the rest of us do not need to fear what the future holds. I believe the future will hold many great choices and opportunities. I also know that the Lord has a plan for each of us. We each have the opportunity to serve Him and perform the work that He wants accomplished. I know that as we strive to follow the guidance of the Lord, that He will make sure we know the path we are to travel. That gives me a lot of comfort. It helps me to realize that the Lord loves me and each one of us. He will provide a way, His plans will not be frustrated. I testify that Jesus Christ lives and that He is the Savior. He literally is the Son of God and has overcome death and hell so that we will live after death and be worthy and confident to stand in the presence of God. I love Him and am grateful for the mercies He has shown in my life. I know that He will come again and that we have the opportunity to prepare for His coming. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Our Heavenly Father wants to hear from us.  He wants to hear about the details of our lives.  He wants to hear about the achievements and the disappointments we experience on a day to day basis.  He wants to hear from us when we are striving to follow Him as well as the times when we have decided to disobey His commandments.  He loves us completely and without reservation.  We can talk to Him anytime and anywhere.  In the book of Alma 34:20-27 in the Book of Mormon it states:

 20 Cry unto him when ye are in your ^afields, yea, over all your flocks. 21 ^aCry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening. 22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your ^aenemies. 23 Yea, ^acry unto him against the ^bdevil, who is an enemy to all ^crighteousness. 24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them. 25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase. 26 But this is not all; ye must ^apour out your souls in your ^bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness. 27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your ^ahearts be ^bfull, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your ^cwelfare, and also for the welfare of ^dthose who are around you. 

This scripture is telling us to pray over our employment, to pray over our families, to pray to  overcome our weaknesses.  We can pray for the strength to develop Christ like characteristics, to have the energy to perform our day to day tasks.  We can thank Him for the many things we have been given.  We can apologize for doing things we know are wrong and ask Him to forgive us.  

This tool of communication is so simple, yet so powerful.  It is available at all times and in all places.  We can talk to God before starting our day and before going to bed.  We can offer up a prayer while we commute to and from work.  We can take a few moments to offer up silent prayers in our hearts.  The main point I am trying to get at is God will listen regardless of our gender, ethnicity, wealth, political affiliation and so on. What is even more remarkable about prayer is that it is two way communication.  We can receive guidance, counsel, comfort, relief, etc.  

God will answer our prayers through a variety of ways.  He may give us feelings of peace and comfort to let us know a specific decision is the right.  He may provide feelings of love, joy, and peace simply to let us know He loves us and is mindful of our situation.  Other times we may receive counsel from family members or close friends that will resonate and ring true within us.  Scriptural passages may stand out to us and apply to specific questions we may have brought before our Heavenly Father.  Sometimes our prayers are not answered immediately because the Lord is waiting for a time and a place that will give that answer greater meaning to us or the Lord is waiting for us to soften our hearts enough to be receptive to that answer.   I cannot go over the endless ways we can receive guidance from our Father in Heaven and our Savior, but I do know they are mindful of us, want to bless us, and will give us every good thing that we need. 

I recently listened to an audio talk on CD called The Fourth Watch by a man named S.Michael Wilcox, discussing many of the things I have typed in this post. At one point he talks about the difference between the expected good versus the given good.  There are things in our lives we will pray about expecting an answer or an outcome that goes along with what we believe is best for us, when in reality God in His infinite wisdom will give us what is the best for us.  In Matthew 7:7-11 it states:  

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

I would highly recommend listening to or reading the entire devotional.  It addresses so many amazing concepts when it comes to receiving answers to prayers, and waiting on the Lord's timeline. 

I would like to add my personal testimony that I can personally talk with God anytime and over any matter, whether big or small.  I had the opportunity to be reminded of this concept just the other day.  There had been a concern on my mind for the past several days in regards to potentially hurting another individual's feelings due to conflicting schedules with myself and my family.  This situation was causing me a decent amount of anxiety and I did not know how to handle the situation.  I decided to go my Heavenly Father in prayer.  I asked Him if it would be possible in one way or another to change certain outcomes or events as to prevent some of the worries that had been on my mind over the last few days.  While at work I had learned that certain events had changed as to prevent potential hurt feelings with the individual mentioned above.  I knew at that moment that God had indeed heard my prayers and had answered them.  In reality this was not a huge deal, but Heavenly Father knew it was important to me and had intervened in my behalf.  It was a tender mercy showing me that I can go to Him for help in matters that are trivial or important.  

I know that God is real, that He lives and that He loves each one of us.  We can talk to Him as we would a close friend.  I know He listens.  I know He will respond, will guide, and will intervene in ways that will accomplish His purposes to bring us His children joy.  I know as we go to Him in prayer our relationship with Him will grow and we will desire to follow Him and His son Jesus Christ.  I am grateful for the Savior's perfect example of prayer and complete faith in His Father's plan even though He Himself had to go through more than I could ever imagine.  He understood God's will for Him and accomplished everything that God asked Him to do.  I hope that each one of us will take the opportunity to pray with Heavenly Father often, and ask for the strength and courage to follow the Savior in these trying times.  I love Him and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.